SARF: Chocolate, Rum and Pirates
by Luin Nuin and Eren
Summary: The Elves of Darkness are back again, this time continuing the Sugar and Rabid Fangirls tradition in... the Caribbean. Lots of swashbuckling, confusing dialogue, and overobsessions with rum.


L/N - I am soooo dead for coming up with that acronym. So, so, so dead. Again, I am typing this up because I'm the only EoD with net access. Lucky me, eh? Our newest group fanfiction is...well....unique: We got the idea to start this whole new nutsy story from a paint bottle, in the middle of an art class. Go figure, eh? Oh, and Shinies = shiny stuff like treasure.

Ummm....gotta run now....Eren and Nuin are definitely gonna kill me....

Disclaimer - We own nothing. Except Eren owns Carl because she came up with him. Lucky her...not....

Authoresses - Write in the script the name and corresponding character are written in.

Nuiniachwen - Jacqueline Sparrow

Erenriel - Robin Pillage

Luinramwen - Rue Allott

_The Blue Pearl scudded happily along the waves, flying its false merchant colours and looking very innocent indeed - except for the fact that the Blue Pearl was painted the colour of a sapphire, and her sails were cerulean blue. Not to even mention that the figurehead was a chicken. From a distance only the Blue Pearl might be mistaken for a merchant vessel - at any proximity it would be obvious that this was definitely the pirate ship feared by Sues and fangirls everywhere._

"Ship ahoy!" hollered Jacqueline Sparrow from the crowsnest.

"Fangirls?" came the call from the lanky, awkward figure at the wheel.

Jackie studied the ship through the spyglass, braced against the rolling of the waves. "No. Merchant. Shall we board 'em and see if they've got any good shinies?"

Rue Allott squinted at the horizon, keeping the wheel steady at the same time. "Where's the spyglass when you need it?" she grumbled.

The spyglass dropped from above and conked Rue on the head.

"OW!" she yelped, then swung the wheel so far that the Blue Pearl lurched sickeningly, nearly sending Jackie flying out of the crowsnest. Then Rue saw the spyglass. "Oooops....Sorry, Jackie!" A volley of curses was her only reply. Rue straightened the ship carefully. "Heheheh...heh..." The spyglass rolled towards her.

**Robin Pillage crawled out of the pile of junk the turn had buried her under. "What was that for? I coulda been thrown overboard!" she cried, 'saluting' Rue.**

Rue sighed. "I'm sorry OK?" She looked in the spyglass at the merchant ship. "Look, we don't have time for bickering. Take it out on those sailors over there if you have to."

"Fine, but you won't get away with this sort of thing when it's my turn to wear the captain's hat. Jackie should throw you in the brig." Robin folded her arms and pouted.

"Should, but won't. I don't want to pick her up and throw her anywhere. She might chuck me overboard. Anyway, let's get to the business at hand. Let's - get - the SHINIES!" Jackie shouted.

_"Full canvas!" yelled Rue, tacking a bit to catch the wind better. Jackie scampered down the rigging._

The Blue Pearl's sails bellied, and the ship leapt forward as though stung. Robin grinned and chanted, "Shinies! Shinies!" as she and Jackie hauled on the lines. Jackie joined in the chant too.

**"Uh, guys? We got ourselves a small problem." Robin and Jackie paused in their chanting.**

"What sort of problem?" Jackie demanded.

"The problematic kind," supplied Robin. Jackie rolled her eyes.

"What Robin said. A problematic problem commonly referred to as a NAVY GUARD!!!"

_"How could you not have noticed!" Robin demanded of Jackie._

"It was flying merchant colours," Jackie said, almost meekly.

"So? So are we?" Rue pointed out.

"So, let's all pretend to be merchant ships together!" Jackie said brightly.

Robin rolled her eyes. "We're too close now. We're the only blue ship on the Caribbean. They'll know we're pirates."

"So... we can attack and kick their sorry asses....or....we can flee." Rue looked at her shipmates. "What say you?"

**Jackie turned about 14 shades of red and looked as though she was about to spontaneously combust. "Jacqueline Sparrow does not run from a fight!!!!"**

_"All right then. Shall we get them?" Robin grinned, hand on the hilt of her sword._

The Blue Pearl continued on her set course.

As they drew closer, the Navy Guard ship swung about, obviously preparing to come alongside. Rue locked the wheel in place and joined the others in snatching up grapples.

_"I can't find my grenades!" Jackie moaned._

"Just hack at 'em with your sword," Robin suggested.

"But grenades are more fun!" she complained.

"They're in your hammock," Rue said. "Either that or where they always are by the port guns."

Jackie shot off after her grenades. **"We don't have time to wait for her. You and I are boarding now!" Before Rue could argue Robin had swung onto the other ship.**

"Why do I put up with this?" Rue asked her pistol.

"Because civilian life is boring," Jackie said as she swung away. "See ya!"

"Hey wait for me!" Rue cried. _She grabbed a rope and swung across the gap. "Wheeeeeeeeee!"_ **Grinning maniacally, she began to bang away. Rue was well known as the best shot in the Caribbean...most of the time. Robin dropped to the ground as a bullet whizzed over her head.**

"Hey! Watch where you aim that thing! You almost blew my brains out!" Robin yelled.

Rue shrugged in an exaggerated fashion. "I knew you'd duck." Robin spluttered indignantly.

"Hey! Wait a minute! What brain?" Jackie asked, lobbing a grenade. Robin **continued to splutter.**

(Boom!) "Ha! Got him!" Jackie looked at Robin. "Quit that and beat on those idiots already! I want shinies, and I wants them now! ....And chocolate....and a hat...." Jackie chucked another grenade.

**"But it's your turn with the Captain's hat!" Robin said as she 'poked' another sailor.**

_(Bang!) "Got 'im!" Rue said cheerfully. "Jackie, what about the rum?"_

"The rum!" Jackie cried. "I forgot about the rum! Where's the rum?!"

"You forgot about the rum?" Robin cried, horrified. "And you call yourself your brother's sister!"

"Well if he wasn't my brother I wouldn't be his sister!" Jackie pointed out, lobbing another grenade. (BOOM!)

"So if he was your sister not your brother would you still be your brother's sister?" asked Rue with a grin.

"No, because then he'd be my sister, not my brother, and I would be my sister's sister, but the fact is that my sister is actually my brother so I'd still be my brother's sister," shot back Jackie.

"I'm confused!" said a Navy officer right before Jackie's grenade blew up in his face.

**Robin stopped and looked around at the empty ship. "Did we get 'em all?" She suddenly felt a sharp pain in her arm. She clutched at it with her other hand, wincing at the blood trickling through her fingers. "Apparently not. Rue, will you get him for me?"**

"With pleasure!" _Rue grinned. (BANG!) "Damn. Not quite dead." (BANG!) "Can y'still fight, Robin?"_

**Robin shook her head. "The bastard shot my sword arm. I'll bandage it and see if there's anything of value on this ship while you guys go get the real merchant ship, savvy?"**

"Hey! Whose turn with the Captain's hat?! Who's giving the orders?!" _Jackie yelled._

"Sorry," Robin apologized. "You give the orders...today."

"That's all right." Jackie thought, then told Robin, "Go bandage your wound and then see if there's anything of value on this ship. We'll go after the real merchant ship."

"That's what I just said!" grumbled Robin in annoyance.

**"Did you really?" Jackie asked, scratching her head. She shrugged. "Meh. Wish us luck."**

---10 minutes later---

"Everyone stay calm. We are taking over the ship," Rue said coolly, pointing her pistols around. Jackie whipped out her sword.

"Ai! Give us the shinies." The sailors stared at her. Jackie waved her sword **impatiently. "Come come now, we haven't got all day."**

_"But we haven't got any shinies!" protested one sailor. He found himself staring down the barrel of one of Rue's pistols._

"Then what do you have?" Rue asked coldly.

_"You don't have any shinies?!" cried Jackie, horrified. She pulled out a grenade. "What do you mean, you don't have any shinies?"_

The captain gulped.

---20 minutes later---

"What are these anyways?" Jackie wondered, holding a small brown bean-like thing in one hand. "Sheep droppings?"

"Yes. Why are you holding them?" Rue said, expressionless. Jackie yelped and dropped it. "No, Jackie. They're cacao beans. They are used to make chocolate."

"Chocolate?!" exclaimed Jackie. "Row harder! We must get our precious cargo aboard the Blue Pearl!" She began rowing furiously. Rue had to struggle to keep up the pace.

"At least we got some shinies," Rue panted as they drew alongside the Blue Pearl. "The captain was 'nice' enough to give us his own stash of gold and stuff."

"Yea," Jackie agreed. "But let's get all of the stuff on board so we can make use of it." Jackie gasped suddenly, dropping her paddle and slapping herself on the forehead.

"What?" Rue asked.

Jackie looked at Rue. "We forgot the rum!" Jackie shouted, moving around some stuff in hope that she was wrong. "How could we? How could we forget the rum?!?!?"

---Meanwhile, aboard the Navy vessel---

"Junk! Junk! Nothing but junk!" Robin cursed the worthless pile in front of her, her injured arm for causing her to be there in the first place, Rue and Jackie for leaving her behind (even though it was her idea), and her empty rum flask for abandoning her in her hour of need.

"What am I gonna tell the girls?" she asked the flask.

"The treasure and such is hidden in the brig."

Robin squeaked and dropped the flask.

"I didn't know you could talk!" she gasped.

"Over here, peabrain!" She turned and fell on her ass. She looked up and saw an exasperated man staring down at her. "Jesus, how hammered are you?"

"I'm not!" Robin cried indignantly. She blushed. "I'm just clumsy." She snarled when he laughed at her. "You're lucky I've got this bullet in my arm or I'd run you through with my sword."

"Hey, easy! I just wanted to thank you for rescuing me. I picked the lock myself but you're providing me with a means of escape. You got a ship, right?"

"The only blue ship in the Caribbean. I'm Robin Pillage. You'd better show me some respect mister. It's my turn next with the Captain's hat." The man stared at her bemused. Robin held out her left hand.

After hesitating, he took her hand and shook it. "Carl Boom at your service. So how are we getting off this ship?"

"Rue and Jackie'll be back soon. I suppose you can come with us. Now, let's go get those shinies!"

"Shinies?" Carl blinked.

"You know, the treasure and stuff.

"Oh, right. The shinies!"

"The shinies!"

---40 minutes later---

"Who's this?" Jackie asked suspiciously, eyeing the new addition as he clambered aboard the Blue Pearl after Robin.

"This is Carl Boom," stated Robin proudly. "I found him, all by myself. He's tall - and stupid - but still good. Yeah. Still good."

Jackie and Rue blinked. Carl turned red and kicked Robin in the shin.

"Ow!" squeaked Robin. "What was that for?"

"So he's gonna join us?" Jackie asked.

"Yep. 'Til whenever, I guess."

"Do I get a turn with the Captain's hat?" Carl asked hopefully.

The girls exchanged glances. "Well...."

**"No," Robin said hesitantly. Carl pouted.**

"But you do get a turn with this!" Rue said brightly, handing him something.

"A mop?!"

"And this!" added Jackie, handing him a bucket. Seeing the look on Carl's face, she shrugged. "Hey, it was this or the gallows."

"Point taken," he muttered. "Excuse me while I go sulk." Jackie instantly perked up.

"Pint? Of rum?"

Robin rolled her eyes. "No Jackie, he said point. But that's a good idea." Rue nodded eagerly. "Break out the rum!!!"

Jackie did a happy dance. "I don't want the pint, I want the entire barrel!" Jackie sang, then tripped and nearly fell overboard. "Help!"

_"Carl, did you trip her?" asked Robin sternly._

Carl attempted to look angelic. (It didn't work.) "Of course not!"

"Suure," Jackie muttered, getting back on her feet.

Rue came back, looking very unhappy. "We have one bottle of rum left."

"Each?" Jackie asked hopefully.

"No. One bottle total."

"Any wine?"

"Nope."

"Ale?"

"Drank it all last time we took in a treasure haul. You'd remember, except that you were slammed out of your mind at the time."

"Oh. You're right, I don't remember that." Jackie grimaced. "But I do remember _that hangover."_

"Any brandy? Whiskey? Vodka? Port? Moonshine?" asked Robin hopefully.

"No, no, no, no, and no. One rum bottle. That's it." Rue stared at the single bottle she held as though hoping it would multiply spontaneously. (It didn't.) "Where did it all go?"

"We drank it," supplied Jackie helpfully.

"Even I'm aware of that," muttered Carl disappointedly.

Jackie looked ready to cry, or to tear someone's head off, no one was sure which. Everyone backed off, just in case.

"We need rum...Now."

"Jackie, I told you already, we only have one bottle," Rue stated, holding up the bottle so Jackie could see it.

"I know!" Jackie sighed. "But....we do have gold! We could buy rum with that!" Jackie went back to doing her happy dance. **Rue grinned at Robin.**

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked. Robin chuckled.

"I am if you're thinking what I'm thinking. Are you thinking we should go to Tortuga to resupply?"

"I think that's what I was thinking."

"But then you're thinking about thinking, not rum."

"But I was thinking about rum before."

"Now you're thinking about thoughts though?"

"I think."

"Do you really?"

"Shut up!" Jackie roared. Rue and Robin stopped their banter and hid behind Carl. "All hands to your stations. We're off to Tortuga!"

"Yes Captain Sir!" Then they scrambled off before Jackie realized she'd been insulted.


End file.
